Is Forgiveness Arrogant? - Healing Through Radical Understanding
A 10 Step Approach from Neale Donald Walsch’s Conversations with God
“Forgiveness is arrogant—and the path to true healing lies not in forgiving others, but in transcending the need to forgive at all.”
This bold, seemingly contradictory statement opens the door to a radical reimagining of healing, as presented by Neale Donald Walsch in his transformative lecture on Conversations with God held in Bucharest, January 2025. For decades, forgiveness has been heralded as the pinnacle of spiritual maturity. Yet Walsch challenges this notion, inviting us to question: What if forgiveness is not the ultimate goal, but a stepping stone to something far more liberating?
We’ll explore Walsch’s 10-step framework for accelerating personal and collective evolution, anchored in the idea that healing emerges not from pardoning others, but from understanding. We’ll break down actionable insights from his lecture, weaving in profound takeaways about identity, divinity, and the purpose of human suffering. Whether you’re new to Conversations with God or a longtime reader, these ideas will reshape how you relate to pain, growth, and your own divine nature.
The Contradiction at the Heart of Healing
Walsch begins with a provocative claim: “Forgiveness is arrogant.” At first glance, this seems antithetical to spiritual wisdom. After all, aren’t we taught that forgiveness dissolves resentment and sets us free? Walsch argues that forgiveness, while noble, implies a subtle hierarchy: “I, the wounded, grant you, the wrongdoer, absolution.” This dynamic perpetuates separation, keeping us tethered to the roles of victim and perpetrator.
True healing, he suggests, arises when we replace forgiveness with understanding. When we recognize that every hurtful act stems from ignorance, fear, or unhealed trauma—not malice—we transcend the need to forgive. Instead, we meet life with compassion, seeing ourselves and others as souls in evolution.
This shift is not intellectual. It requires dismantling core beliefs about identity, God, and the purpose of suffering. Let’s explore Walsch’s 10 steps to embody this paradigm.
10 Steps to Accelerate Healing & Evolution
Each step has a Healing Belief that you can use to heal yourself. In order to experience each belief loving power, keep the belief in your mind for 17 seconds and then repeat 3 or 4 times. You’ll notice a shift and you’ll notice related thoughts. When your breath becomes satisfying and deep it means that healing started. Enjoy!
Step 1: Be Open
Healing Belief: There is much more to unveil about my life purpose. (1000)
Don't be close-minded to new thoughts, concepts, or ideas, even if they seem unorthodox. Be open to change and consider that you may have misunderstood things about God, life, and yourself.
Stay open. Be ready and willing to ask yourself the following question which I have placed before audiences for certain years. Is it possible? Just possible that there is something we don't fully understand about God about life and about ourselves the understanding of which would change everything.
Actionable Insight:
Practice “Beginner’s Mind”: Write down one assumption you hold about spirituality, relationships, or yourself. Ask: “What if the opposite were true?”
Engage with Discomfort: Seek out books, podcasts, or conversations that challenge your beliefs. Notice resistance without judgment.
Step 2: Find Out Who You Are
Healing Belief: I am a soul, whole and indivisible from God. (5000)
You are not your job, your possessions, your body, or your mind. You are a spiritual being, a soul, having everlasting life.
"You are not your body and you're not your mind. It appears that you are, but judge not by appearances. In my understanding your body and your mind are merely tools pieces of equipment used by who you are to move forward with your agenda."
Actionable Insight:
Daily Affirmation: Start each day with: “I am an expression of the Divine. My essence is love, wisdom, and creativity.”
Soul-Centered Journaling: When facing challenges, ask: “How would my soul view this situation?”
Step 3: Find Out What You Are
Healing belief: “In the absence of what you are not, what you are cannot be experienced.” (1000)
You are an individuation of divinity, a perfect expression of God in a unique form.
"The new idea I offer is that what you are in these three words is an individuation of divinity. If and when we accept and embrace this extraordinary definition of the self, it can rapidly and hugely advance our entire personal evolutionary process because it opens the door to what for some is a radical new way of seeing ourselves of holding ourselves in our mind's eyes."
Actionable Insight:
Reframe Challenges: When hardship arises, ask: “What aspect of my divine self is this situation inviting me to embody?”
Gratitude for Shadows: Write a thank-you note to a past struggle, acknowledging how it deepened your compassion or strength.
Step 4: Find Out Where You Are
Healing belief: I am experiencing the realm of physical created by the realm of spirit. (1000)
You are in the realm of the physical, one of three realms in the kingdom of God (physical, spiritual, and pure being).
"In my understanding there are three realms in the kingdom of God. The realm of the physical, the realm of the spiritual and the realm of pure being. Your soul moves between these realms throughout its eternal life."
Step 5: Find Out Why You Are Where You Are
Healing Belief: The physical realm is the context and the playground for your power of creation. (950)
You are in the physical realm to serve the agenda of the soul, which is to experience being an individuation of divinity. The physical realm provides a contextual field where you can experience the opposite of who you are, allowing you to know who you truly are.
"We see then, if you allow me to repeat for emphasis that the answer to why you are here in the realm of the physical is to complete the agenda of the soul and the agenda of the soul is for you to know who you really are as an individuation of divinity not simply as the concept but as an experience reality through expression and demonstration."
Actionable Insight:
Let-Go List: Write down three things you’re trying to control (e.g., a relationship, career milestone). Say: “I would prefer this specific outcome and I trust the Divine to guide this.”
Step 6: Assume the Role as the Creator of Your Own Reality
Healing Belief: You are the creator of your own reality. (1000)
Use the tools you've been given (body and mind), powered by metaphysics (thoughts, words, and actions), to create your own reality.
"Thought, word and action. Form the tripod of creation. And when you fully understand and fully use the powers of metaphysics, you have made another major advance in the process of evolution."
Actionable Insight:
The 24-Hour Experiment: For one day, monitor your thoughts. Notice shifts in your mood and interactions. Notice that even if this might be the most difficult thing you did in your life, it makes you feel so gooood! Say thank you to the thoughts that don’t serve you anymore and watch the magic happen.
Step 7: Understand That Your Life Has Nothing to Do With You
Healing belief: When you help someone, you help yourself. (900)
Your life is about everyone whose life you touch and the way in which you touch it. In a universal sense, you are doing everything for yourself because we are all one.
"Your life is not about you. It's about everyone whose life you touch and the way in which you touch it. And when you understand this, you will see that in a universal sense, in the largest sense, your life is about you for a very elegant reason. There is only one of us in the room."
Actionable Insight:
Service as Meditation: Perform small acts of kindness daily without expecting recognition (e.g., a heartfelt compliment, helping a stranger).
Question: Ask: “How do I want others to feel after interacting with me?” Let this guide your behavior.
Step 8: Understand That Forgiveness Can Be the Biggest Obstacle to Your Evolution
Healing Belief: I can gift myself the freedom to be as I am. (1000)
Discard the need for forgiveness. Instead, strive for understanding and compassion. God doesn't forgive because God understands.
“To forgive is human; to understand is divine.”
"On the day that you understand that you don't have to forgive anyone, you will never fall into the trap of lingering resentment or anger. On the day that you understand that you don't have to forgive anyone and you never had to forgive anyone for anything at all, on that day you'll be free."
Actionable Insight:
Be the change you want to see in the world: Choose a quality you want to embody (e.g., joy, peace, love). Act in accordance with that quality, and notice how it changes your experiences.
Step 9: Ask Yourself the Three Magic Questions of Life
Healing Belief: What I see in others is my own reflection. (1000)
What do daily events have to do with your soul's agenda?
What part of yourself can you find in another person that you're in relationship with in that moment?
What does God want to communicate through you and how?
"What does this have to do with the agenda of my soul?"
Step 10: Figure Out Your Life Purpose and Make New Decisions
Healing Belief: I can go straight into being who I want to be. (1000)
Figure out how to demonstrate your true identity as an individuation of divinity. Make new decisions based on the "be, do, have" paradigm.
"Figure out your life purpose and make new decisions."
In life, you do not have to do anything. It is all a question of what you are being.
Most people believe if they “have” a thing (more time, money, love—whatever), then they can finally “do” a thing (write a book, take up a hobby, go on vacation, buy a home, undertake a relationship), which will allow them to “be” a thing (happy, peaceful, content, or in love). In actuality, they are reversing the Be-Do-Have paradigm. In the universe as it really is (as opposed to how you think it is), “havingness” does not produce “beingness,” but the other way around. First you “be” the thing called “happy” (or “knowing,” or “wise,” or “compassionate,” or whatever); then you start “doing” things from this place of being-ness—and soon you discover that what you are doing winds up bringing you the things you’ve always wanted to “have.” The way to set this creative process (and that’s what this is. . . the process of creation) into motion is to look at what it is you want to “have,” ask yourself what you think you would “be” if you “had” that, then go right straight to being. In this way you reverse the way you’ve been using the Be-Do-Have paradigm—in actuality, set it right—and work with, rather than against, the creative power of the universe. Here is a short way of stating this principle: In life, you do not have to do anything. It is all a question of what you are being.
Actionable Insight:
Role-Play Your Highest Self: Spend 10-15 minutes daily visualizing yourself as healed, whole, and radiant. Notice how good this feels and how this shifts your day.
Conclusion: The Alchemy of Understanding
Walsch’s teachings invite us to heal not by rising above our humanity, but by embracing our divinity. When we replace forgiveness with understanding, we stop fighting life and start flowing with it. Pain becomes a teacher, not a tormentor. Others become mirrors, not adversaries.
“You are here to recreate yourself anew in each moment. The past is a story; the future is a possibility. The present is where God resides—and where healing begins.”
Final Action Step:
Choose one of the 10 steps to practice for 30 days. Observe how it transforms your relationship with healing—and with yourself.
“The fastest way to heal the world is to stop seeing it as broken.” —Neale Donald Walsch
Further read: Conversations with God Neale Donald Walsch 4 Books Collection Set
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